Oh God! False eyelashes, mega mascara, mini skirts, and Go Go Boots in space!
Leave it up to the Star Trek franchise to ” Boldly go where nothing makes sense anymore “.
I know the millions of Trekkies ( yeah, we’re called “Trekkers” now but I’m an old skool fan and still go by “Trekkie” ) will disagree with me because they live for anything Star Trek but I’ve got to stand my ground.
This movie attempts to reintroduce the Star Trek universe and franchise by reincarnating the original characters in new “Beverly Hills 90210″ fashion and the old star ship Enterprise hits several bumps on it’s road to our devotion.
Overall I’d say the movie is extremely entertaining via the one thing that made the original series so successful and that’s the ability of the actors to bring that charm and interest that overshadows the special effects. The Star Trek franchise doesn’t just run on sci-if technical wizardry although it’s always had the best and I might add the most admirable and beloved special effects. It runs on the ability of the actors to carry these wildly imaginative stories and make us believe. The weirder the story the more it calls for the performers to sell that story and Star Trek has had some of the best performers to do this. Same goes for this incarnation as the cast is charming enough to get our interest and keep us flowing along through the narrative even though it tussles more than two Klingons over the last serving of Heart of Targ.
I’m a bit unsettled because the tv series “Star Trek: The Next Generation”, “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”, and my favorite “Star Trek: Voyager” left us in a cliffhanger in the 24th Century after the big Borg and Dominion battles as those series ended and now we’re back to square one with this new Star Trek version that invalidates our pals in those series. That sucks worse than a Denebian Slime Devil.
—-SPOILERS—-
First of all, everyone knows that when you’re in outer space you never take your starship anywhere near the dark, ominous starship with spikey things protruding from it. A ship that scary looking should have “Beware, Evil Starship” plastered all over it. I guess there’s this off the beaten path garage that specializes in evil looking starships run by some guy named Moe and his protege’ whose nickname has the word skull or snake in it. You can tell it’s evil from a light year away, but does our intrepid Star Fleet captain and crew figure this out when the seven-year-olds in the audience are screaming out ” Hey Daddy, look at that evil star ship! “? No they don’t, they just sit there and get whomped on.
This introduction leads us into our story that reintroduces our favorite starship crew and focuses on the early years and motivations of Kirk and Spock which I must admit had some of the high points of the movie and quite memorable! Spock’s encounter with his Vulcan classmates was just awesome. It was something mentioned and alluded to for decades but we Trekkies hadn’t seen on the screen. Matter of fact, actor Zach Quinto who portrays the new Mr. Spock did a fine job and added levels to Spock’s character without being overbearing that really surprised me. Knowing that outside of Superman, Mr. Spock is the world’s most favorite space alien, Quinto has some mighty big shoes to fill and considering the grand master Leonard Nimoy is featured in the film makes Quinto’s job a triple threat performance that he does carry off well.
The rest of the cast including Romulan villain Eric Bana all add an extra special something even though they’re surrounded by things that just don’t make sense. Why are they building a giant multi billion ton starship on the ground? Anyone who’s ever tried to put together one of those star ship Enterprise models from the 1970’s knows the things are so awkward you need two original GI Joes and a 1971 Banana Splits Buggy chassis to hold the thing up and those nacelles ( those wing like things on the starship Enterprise ) whilst the glue holds. How do they do it on the ground? Another problem, why the Romulans again? Didn’t we just go through their nonsense in the last miserable Star Trek: Nemesis? The Romulans always get their butts kicked by the Federation so why do they keep on trying? Star Trek: Nemesis was so miserable that the next time I wanted to see a Romulan would be serving fries at the nearest “Tasty Tribble” somewhere near the Klingon Neutral Zone.
The way the story progresses, no pro-messes, involves the most inexplicable, incoherent, series of lazy plotting that made the movie drop to a level below video game mod by students from a college that has a marsupial as a mascot. Not even in our most drunken states of consciousness do we mere mortals come across such a series of events, and suspension of disbelief went out the shuttlecraft window faster than stale bowl of Klingon G’agh with hot sauce.
The action scenes however were lots of fun. The high point was the skirmish on the drilling device platform and Mr. Sulu ( John Cho ) breaks out that retractable samurai sword. That was coolness to the second power and I got so excited I was fixin’ to jump out of my seat to help him out. Sulu was always the “Angel of Death” on the Enterprise. He fired the weapons when danger was afoot and it was good to see him in true form with something extra. The way he dispatches his Romulan foe was so funny it brought about the only cheer from the audience.
Chekov ( Anton Yelchin ) was a delight, a real delight who brought so much clarity and enthusiasm to the role that it felt like when your kid brother wants to show you a new frog that’s he’s been hiding in your football helmet. You know it’s odd but he’s so excited and neato that you just accept it and smile.
Scotty ( Simon Pegg ) is a bit too eccentric from the tough as nails Scotty we all love but when he’s aboard the ship, he slowly comes up to an acceptable level of tolerance. Me, I like the old tough guy Scotty who would drink Klingon nerve gas mixed with scotch as a chaser and then cuss out half the machines in his path.
Kirk ( Chris Pine ), what can I say? There’s no comparison with new Kirk or old Kirk that warrants similarities. They’re two different men, two different characters. William Shatner the original Kirk always had that look of far distance. Like he could see the Sun rising on the horizon no matter how cloudy the day. Our new Kirk appears as though he can only focus on what’s on the tip of his nose. It’s not to say he does a bad job of performing, he does a wonderful job. He has to take the character back to a time we’ve never seen of him, his youth. He’s got the charm and presence and punches through to get the authority he needs to establish himself and that’s what the script called for and he delivered it with laser like precision.
Uhura ( Zoe Saldana ). She ended up doing so much kissing in this movie I forgot why the heck she was aboard the spaceship in the first place. She doesn’t do any officer type stuff but she sure can take her clothes off and smooch it up with space aliens. The original Uhura, Nichelle Nichols was so sexy, her mere presence made guys practically shove their faces through the screens of the tv sets. When she appeared in a two piece outfit in the classic Trek episode “Mirror Mirror” guys were so close to the color tv sets that the radiation emitted left sunburned foreheads for a week. Heck, the x rays were so intense that you could could fellas’ ribs from ten feet away. In that entire series Uhura kissed one person, Capt. Kirk and that was forced by aliens with super mental powers. That sexy presence but chaste character elevated Uhura to an elegance and command authority that just went out the window in this new Star Trek flick. The actress has everything and more going for her and her assertiveness didn’t bring the character home but the constant romance and strip down to bra and panties scene was useless. If Nichelle Nichols had done a bra and panties scene on the original Star Trek show you’ld have had fried foreheads for six months straight.
Bones ( Karl Urban ). I was surprised that they’d found an actor who has a presence of solidity that original Dr. McCoy actor, DeForrest Kelly brought to the series. He’s charming and with a reserved sense of comedic timing, authorative within reason and generally likeable. McCoy was the sense of reason on the series. He’s a character that brought a hometown feeling to the bizarre world of the future as he would laud himself as a simple country doctor from the south. He set the pattern for the “space doctor” with a heart of gold with that southern chivalry that spiced up the character and made us feel comfortable. I would often wonder when McCoy would try to serve possum stew to his patients or a dose of “Granny’s Rheumatism Tonic” from the old “Beverly Hillbillies” sitcom. I expect to enjoy the new doctor’s future performances.
Finally there’s the grand poobah, the great vulcan, Leonard Nimoy who can do no wrong in my eyes. He’s one of those rare celebrities who can do everything exceptionally and donates his time and money to worthwhile causes and charities. He gives out words of wisdom to live by and to me personally has saved my life a hundred times over which I can’t explain here. Just having him on board with this new franchise is a blessing. He’s still got a full head of hair, and he’s still cool after all these years. When he first appeared as Spock on the original Star Trek, the kids in the neighborhood thought he was the coolest thing since Bruce Lee as Kato on the old “Green Hornet” show. He’s still cool and we are all very much blessed he’s still with us to entertain us and share.
Overall, this movie has the Star Trek blood in it and that makes it worthy of watching several times at the theatres. Never mind the time travel nonsense and the obvious plot holes and devices, just go for the fun that has always made Star Trek great, the actors who bring us characters we admire.
Notes on funny. Actor Tyler Perry appears as one of the Star Fleet judicial heads. It made me laugh that the only black guy in the movie with more than one line is famous for being a crossdresser comedian. The gizmos in the movie, outside of the warp drive and ship didn’t dazzle me as much because we have lots of them now. When the original Star Trek showed off it’s gizmos we all worked for years to bring them to reality. Some would say we might have warp drive or something like it but it’s classified by the military. Knowing all the friends I’ve grown up with who’ve gone into the weapons and science fields, it wouldn’t surprise me if we’ve got more than we imagine.
Oh, final note, the soundtrack, the score, no. I like the Beastie Boys as much as anyone else but no.
Without those four legendary notes followed by those legendary eight notes, it ain’t that dinner bell for Star Trek vittles we old timers regard as almost a hymn.
Posted under Movie scores, Movies, Sci-Fi, Soundtracks, Television
This post was written by Greg Boone on May 10, 2009
